My Two Cents For Whatever It's Worth

1. To all of the mothers out there who were hoping to wake up Wednesday morning and tell your daughters that we finally have a woman President but seemed to be heartbroken over the reality of what you woke to. Many of you stated that you didn't know what to tell them now. This is just something I can not seem to understand. Obviously, if Hillary Clinton was meant to be our first female President, then she would be. She is not. I truly believe that one day a worthy female candidate will present herself and it will be obvious that she was mean't to lead this country. Until that day comes you can tell your daughters exactly what happened. Explain to them that we live in a wonderful nation that gives us the freedom to choose who will lead us. Tell them that even though we may disagree with the outcome, it doesn't change the values we hold. Tell them that no President will ever make this country perfect. Tell them they can make a difference every single day by showing kindness to everyone they meet. Show them how to be a strong leader and a strong woman. Don't sit back and expect someone you see on TV, whom you have never met, to lead them towards greatness. Be the woman you want them to become. Whether you are a stay at home mom or have a career, show them the love and the passion you have for what you do. I can promise you, that will mean more to them and any President will.

2. Please, for the love of all that is Holy stop calling everyone who voted for Trump racist, bigots, homophobes, or whatever else you can conjure up. Please stop saying that this has set us back decades. Maybe you should take a second to go speak to someone who was in their prime a few decades ago. Let them explain to you what it was like to live in the South during the 50's and 60's. Let them explain to you what it was like to be drafted to War with no choice. Leaving your country, your safety, and your family to go fight for a better future for people you will never meet. For people who today think it's an act of free speech to burn our flag in the street. How disgraceful and despicable you are. 

3. When, as a country, we have roughly 104,000 children waiting to be adopted we don't have a Presidential problem, we have a personal problem. I want you to sit and think about this for a second. Think about every single one of those children who aren't being loved on enough, who are being moved from foster home to foster home, and who will likely never know what it's like to grow up with one or two loving parents. Maybe, just maybe if we can fix our parenting problem, then a lot of our other issues will take care of themselves. If we can look past our own selfish desires and give just one of these kids a home, then focus on raising them to be honorable, kind, loving, and selfless individuals we will have successfully changed our country for the better.

Before you whine and cry about our President-elect please take a moment and think about what you've done to help change our country, or even your county, for the better. You complain about the possible disbanding of Planned Parenthood, but have you ever actually done anything to help a single mother or do you just expect the government to help. You want us to live in a safe country but have you served your country or even supported the men and women who volunteer to protect you. You want racism to stop but are you spreading love daily or are you just spreading more hate. A changed country doesn't start with a new President, it starts with a new perspective from its citizens.

Can We Just Stop

Alright you beautiful mama's. There's something serious we need to chat about. It's something we all face and it's useless. "What is it?" you may be asking. It's Mom Guilt. If you don't know exactly what Mom Guilt is, then apparently you're the most secure and confident person in the world. Mom guilt is when you do something as a mother that you feel guilty about, or someone else does something which in turn makes you feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. We all experience it in our own way. I'm going to chat about a few things over the years that I've experienced Mom Guilt with in hopes to shed some light on a very dark subject that has caused me real pain in the past.

Mom Guilt #1 Breast vs Bottle
Let's go ahead and get the elephant in the room out. Breastfeeding vs formula feeding. When I was pregnant with Westyn I desperately wanted to nurse him. I had heard moms talk about the amazing bond they had with their children through breastfeeding and I wanted that. Well events didn't exactly turn out how I had planned. I ended up with an unexpected C-section which through my body way off. After five days of trying to nurse with no milk, a baby who was hungry and losing weight, and two very new and very exhausted parents, we decided to skip the boob and insert the bottle. 

Boom....bring on the Mom Guilt. By normal standards I had done nothing right. I couldn't give birth to my child naturally and now I couldn't even feed him. I remember feeling like I had already failed as a mother and it had only been five days. Now a lot of these feelings can be attributed to hormones and exhaustion, but not solely because the feelings didn't go away. I would be asked and questioned by other moms as to why I was choosing not to nurse him. Instead, they should have been like hey congratulations, you're actually feeding your child! Because honestly that's all that really matters here! This amazing baby is being fed and is happy. That's enough.

Mom Guilt #2: Baby Weight
Now while dealing with all of those feelings of failure, there was also the "baby weight". At least that's what we like to call it to make ourselves feel better. I'm not saying baby weight is not a real thing because it is. While pregnant your body stores up fat as a protective mechanism, I understand that. But after a year we can all agree that it's no longer "baby" weight. I'm not saying this to make anyone feel guilty. Quiet the opposite actually. I'm saying this so we can all understand that losing weight is difficult in general, not to mention having tiny humans to care for. Instead of feeling all this guilt and shame because you still have on a few extra pounds while what's her face lost it all in three weeks, let's just agree that it's hard. All of it is hard. Being a mom is HARD. So what if those jeans are a bit tight. Let's all just praise Jesus for leggings and move on!

Side note, if you're legitimately unhappy with your body, and it's not only because you think you should have already lost the weight, then just remember that you have control of that. You can make a change whenever you're ready. The only change that sticks is when you've made up your mind about it. Not when you've been guilt-ed into it.

Mom Guilt #3 Apologies
I am seriously so sick of apologizing. I have to apologize when someone comes over and my house isn't extremely clean and tidy. I have to apologize when my child throws a tantrum. I have to apologize when my son decides your shirt looks like a piece of paper and he must draw on it. Okay maybe that one actually warranted an apology, but you understand what I mean. I feel like I am constantly apologizing for my kids being kids. I have two boys, and they are both ALL boy. They're loud, dirty, and rough (cough Lincoln cough). When you come to my house with your sweet and well behaved daughters, you need to just expect this. Now there have been times when we've been out at a restaurant and Lincoln is screaming blooding murder and we just apologize and leave. But please don't you dare go sit down in a Chick Fil A and then complain about the kids being too loud. You're eating at restaurant that has a play house INSIDE. I mean come on.

Mom Guilt #4 Stay at home vs Working
This one is the mom guilt I've been struggling with the most recently. I've breastfed and bottle fed, I've gained and lost baby weight, after kid number two I've stopped apologizing (mostly), but now I struggle with being in my place. I believe that God has a place for all of us. If we can be content in our places, then the body of Christ will work more effectively. But I'm human and a woman so contentment isn't my strongest attribute. At a time when Joe and I are working really hard to claw our way out of debt, I constantly think of the money I could be bringing in by going back to work. Selfishly, I think about the clothes I could buy, the ways I could decorate my home, and the vacations we could take. I've been at stay at home mom for four and a half years now and it's hard sometimes. Usually once a week I plot of ways I could go back to work, but by the end of that day I'm thanking God for something I was able to witness that I would have otherwise missed if I had been at work. I know in my heart that I'm suppose to spend my days with these boys. Now I just have to get the world out of my mind.

This is in no way pointing fingers at working moms. If that is where God wants you or if you have to work in order to feed your family, then trust me when I say that you are amazing! My sister is one of the hardest working mothers I know. She's a single mom with two amazing daughter. She works so hard every single day to put food on the table and a roof over their heads. I don't understand how she does it, and I'm amazed by her strength. 

Staying at home is not easy all the time, but it's a gift I pray I never take for granted. 

Can we please stop all the judging and start supporting. Being a mother is hard enough on it's own. I don't need someone else making me feel guilty because I'm doing something different than the way she would. No, not everything I buy is organic. My youngest son eats bugs, that's pretty organic in itself.  

Side Note: If someone doesn't ask for your advice, please don't give it to them, and then get angry when they don't heed your unwanted advice. 

There comes a time at least once a day when I'm 100% sure I'm failing as a mother, but that's okay. I just need people in my life where I can come to them and say "hey I pretty much suck today", and their response will most likely be "yeah, me too". My children didn't die today, so I would call that a success. 

Lets keep it real. 

Tiny Hand Print

As I look around my house I see tiny hand prints...everywhere. On the walls, on the floors, and I'm pretty sure every single window. Being a person who is slightly type A, this drives me nuts. As soon as I get one thing cleaned I turn around to find Lincoln dumping his apple juice onto the floor and then splashing in it. I have a slight internal freak out moment before remembering he's only 17 months old and he can't possibly be trying to purposefully sabotage me. Right?

It's so easy for me to go around and point out all these tiny hands and forget that those hands are attached to something amazing. Those hands can teach me so much if I just take the time to pay attention.

So far these hands have taught me that it's okay to get dirty. Sounds simple, except for me it isn't. I don't usually allow my boys to purposefully get dirty. When I see the joy on their faces it makes that extra bit of work I'll have to do all worth it.

So far these hands have taught me how to give more openly. Westyn is more generous than I have ever been. He will gladly share almost anything he has with anyone. This is in his nature. He isn't attached to all the material things that we as a culture place so much value in. He just simply wants to share.

So far these hands have taught me to be kind to everyone. These hands will wave, blow kisses, shake hands, and give high fives to anyone no matter their ethnicity or financial standing.  Their view of the world and the people it holds isn't tarnished yet.

The more I think about all the things these tiny hands could teach me, the more I understand what Jesus was saying when He was talking with His disciples in Matthew chapter 18.

If I can just take a step back and refocus, then everything begins to clear. I can clearly see what a blessing tiny hand prints are all over my house. I can let go of all the expectations I set for myself to clean constantly, and start enjoying the moment they place their hands on the door. Children don't get stopped by glass doors, they merely look through them to see the beauty more clearly! How much could we do for God's kingdom if we stopped getting distracted by smudges and started focusing on the beauty that children see?

With Me or Without Me

Something that has been set on my heart recently is a simple question.

 Are others better because of me?

Sounds simple right? Except it's not simple. It may be the most import question you ask yourself, and it's something I desperately want to achieve. I guess I've started thinking about this more recently because I took on a new leadership role within my church. I've never really led anyone before and was concerned I wouldn't be good at it. I had faith that God put me in this position for a reason and if He has enough faith me in to lead some of His people, then I should honor Him enough to have faith in myself.

I still wanted to make sure I was the best person for the position. I started preparing by listening to Leadership Podcasts and taking all the advice I could by those around me. What I began to realize is that it isn't really about me and my abilities at all. It all comes back to Jesus (but doesn't everything). If I can do my best to act in a way that would be pleasing to Him, then wouldn't that be exactly the way He want's His people led?

Do people know Jesus better because of the way I act? Does the way I handle myself in tough situations point back to Him or does it point to something else? You lead by literally being in the front of the line. You can't lead by being in the back observing.

As parents, do our children learn how to love and forgive because of the way we love them and forgive them? We can tell them Jesus loves them every day but if we are not projecting that love onto them, then they will never truly understand it. I want my boys to grow into strong men of God, but if I'm not leading them down that pathway, then how will they reach that destination?

Can non Christians see Jesus in you because of the way you act at work or by your social media page? Are you constantly commenting on the latest political garbage and calling it your "Christian duty"? Is it really your duty as a follower of Jesus to rant and condemn?

Most Christians know this verse and have heard it all their lives, but I think most of them miss the concept and the point being made. Jesus isn't saying love one another so that other Christians will know that we are His disciples. He is saying love one another so that EVERYONE will know that we are His! You will never bring someone to Jesus by condemning them in their present sin. It's not our job to change people. Jesus does the changing. It's our job to show them the love of Jesus and open the door for an opportunity of change to happen by Jesus.

 I can honestly say that I am a better person because Joe is my husband. I am a better mother because of the other mothers that surround me. I am a better leader because of the leaders I have learned from. The real question is this, are any of these people closer to Jesus because of me?

Dangerous Expectations

Do you ever have those days? The days where you feel like you've completely failed as a wife and as a mother. The days where you go to bed praying to God that they don't remember that day when they're older. The days where you've snapped so many times at the people you love most that you simply can't bare to think about how awful you are any longer. The days where you feel so burnt out and used up. The days where you're counting down the minutes until your husband gets home, only to receive a text saying he's running late. Well today was one of those days.

When a day ends like this and I'm lying in bed wide awake praying, I can't help but think, why? Why do I act this way towards the tiny humans who I would gladly give my life for, and towards a husband who has done nothing wrong expect get home from work at exactly the wrong moment? Why do I let a four year old get so far under my skin that I can't shake these feelings off? That's when it hits me, all these mythical expectations that surround me.

Expectations can be murderous. They can destroy marriages, parent/child relationships, and friendships. If you're not careful they'll destroy your life.

When Joe and I first got married you can believe I had many (many many) unreal expectations for our marriage. I had this entire picture painted in my head of what our days would look like, what our evenings would look like, how he would do his own laundry because he loved me so much. Ridiculous things like that. More seriously though, I had a wonderful idea of what our future would look like. When and how many kids we would have, and how we would raise them. What I didn't factor in however, was Joe. Joe was his own person and I'm not sure where I got the idea from that I could just plan everything and he would willingly follow along. This came as a major shock to both of us. After some much need marriage counseling we got most of our issues sorted out, and then........... we had a baby.

Before you actually have children you think you already know what kind of parent you're going to be. Whether you'll breastfeed or bottle feed, cloth diaper or disposable diaper, how you will discipline, and so on. The expectations I set up for myself as a mother were so unrealistic and borderline ridiculous. When I made the transition to stay-at-home-mom they got even worse. I had all this time at home now so I assumed my house should be clean, the laundry done, dishes never piled in the sink, and dinner should always be done before Joe got home. Westyn should be doing fun things like play dates, story time, outside time, and learning constantly. It was seemingly easy to manage while it was just Westyn, but when Lincoln came along I assumed I should just continue with those same expectations. I didn't alter them to fit into this new stage as a mommy of two. I just thought I could handle it all.

Then came the guilt when Joe would get home from work and dinner wasn't ready, his clothes for work the next day weren't washed, and we hadn't managed to leave the house all day to do "fun things". I would feel miserable and I could see this look in his eyes. I already had a running internal monologue going telling myself I was failing as a stay-at-home-mom, so why did he have to look at me like he thought I was failing too. It was only months and many conversations later that I realized he wasn't disappointed in my lack of accomplishments. He was disappointed in the fact that I was so unhappy, yet when he asked what was wrong I would always say something like "nothing, I'm fine". I would push down all my stress in inadequacies so that not to bother him with them. In all reality I should have shared them with him. That's what your spouse is for. Not to constantly complain to, but someone who you can share your fears and struggles with.

All the expectations I had set up for myself were killing me. Okay, maybe not actually killing me, but some days it felt like it. I mean really, who was I trying to impress? What sort of reward was I trying to win? I wanted to please God, to be a good wife, and a good mother more than anything else. So why was I struggling so much with the one things I was suppose to be good at?

You know that saying you hear from experienced mothers. It goes something like "the laundry will always be there". I absolutely hate those sayings! Yes, the laundry will be there until I get up and decide to do it. I never understood why people said this to me! It made no sense. Until one day, BAM! It hit me. Lincoln was napping (praise Jesus),  I was cleaning (big surprise), and Westyn was sitting on the couch watching a show. I'm pretty sure he has asked me to play with him multiple times but my response was always something like "when I'm done cleaning". He finally looked up at me and said "mommy will you come cuddle with me?". I froze. When your very uncuddly child asks you to come cuddle, you stop whatever it is that you're doing, and you go cuddle!

I realized in that moment that the kitchen really could wait, but those precious cuddles would only be here a little while longer. A day will soon come when this little boy turns into a teen who no longer wants to cuddle with him mommy (or that would be weird).

The Bible tells us "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14.

I don't want to spend my life cleaning and in a state of constant guilt because I can't keep up with the demands I set for myself. I don't want to be Martha. I want to be Mary who is sitting at the feet of Jesus soaking in everything around her. I want to soak in every moment I have with these boys because they are the purpose for my fleeting life. Leading them towards Jesus, protecting them, and loving them is what I'm here to do.

So I will lay down all these unrealistic expectations I have set for myself and I will just breathe. I will soak in all the laughter and joy that fills this house and I will allow it to fill me, so that I'm no longer filled with guilt. Instead, I will be full of joy and life!

I no longer want to end my day praying for them not to remember. I want to pray that it will be a day they never forget. I pray that they never forget the love I have for them and the joy we have together.

Parenting...enough said

When you become a parent no one tells you about the constant struggles you deal with or the many, many decisions that have to be made. It seems like every day one of the boys are hitting a new milestone in life which comes with its own set of struggles and decisions. It was doable when we just had Westyn, but now we have two different kids going in two different directions. Literally. Outside playing today Lincoln was running towards the road while Westyn was going towards the woods. All of a sudden I had a choice to make. Which kid to physically stop and which kid to ask to stop. Luckily, this decision was easy. Obviously, I ran and grabbed Lincoln before he could get smashed by a car and I yelled at Westyn to wait.

This got me thinking though. As a parent there is going to come a time when we have to move beyond being able to physically stop our children when they're making poor decisions, and move more towards having a conversation with them. I feel like with Westyn, my four year old, we are getting more to this point. I no longer have to pull is hand away from a hot stove, I just have to explain to him that it will burn him. Those things are easy. What's not going to be easy though, is when he's making decisions that will will effect his Spiritual life.

Just last week we had our first incident with him stealing. Okay maybe stealing is a strong word. He was merely attempting to sneak a small toy out of someone else's house after I told him he wasn't allowed to take home any of their toys. Okay yea, he was stealing. Thankfully he was caught, had to return the toy, apologize, and then we had a talk. When having these talks with him I wonder if he really gets it. A little while later while we were walking into Aldi he stops me and says "Mommy please don't tell anyone I tried to steal something" in the most pitiful voice I've ever heard. Stick a knife right into my heart. I had to hold back tears of sadness and of joy because I realized that he got it. His little amazing heart felt the wrong that he did and he was ashamed of it. No parent wants their child to feel shame, but sometimes that's the only way we learn.

This entire incident just proves to me how very important it is for us, as parents, to instill strong morals into our children. We can't depend on others to do this for us. We made the decision to plant this little tiny tree, now it's time for us to allow the roots to grow as deep as possible in a strong faith filled environment, so when the day comes that we release this tree into the world they will not be able to shy far away from their foundation. They will have the ability to go into the world without being influenced by worldly things. They will be able to make good decisions based on knowledge instead of the whims on the people.

Okay, that all sounds great Sam, but how do we do this? I'm still working on that part out but this is what I have so far.

Prayer- Prayer is my struggle so I have a specific day that I pray for exactly this, the whole parenting thing and how to not fail at it.

Team Work- If you're luckily enough to have a spouse who shares the same beliefs that you do, then you are winning already. Talk with each other about this, how to handle situations that come up, and how to discipline/construct your children. God specifically put the two of you together for a purpose. Start trying to figure out what that purpose is. If you're a single parent (or just single in faith), then you have your work cut out for you, but I promise you are not alone in this. " Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord YOUR GOD will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9  I suggest printing this verse out and posting it up somewhere you can see it daily. God will give you the strength to handle the hard times to come. He never promised life would be easy, He only promised that He would never leave you to do it alone.

Surroundings- This one is so important and one that Joe and I are struggling through right now. To homeschool vs public school vs private school. The list goes on and on. The people we allow our children to be around, not only can influence them, but will influence them. We have a small moment in time that we still get to choose their friends and the adults who watch them. Think hard and choose wisely. The biggest influence, however, is you. If you don't think your kids pay attention to what you're listening to, watching, and reading, then you are greatly misjudging them. As Rachel Cruz always says "more is caught than taught".

My husband and I will have to depend on each other, and together we will depend on God to get us through this thing they call parenting. I myself like to call it "jumping hurdles". You know, where you're constantly jumping over things (like toys) until that one hurdle comes up and you fall flat on your face. If you're like me, I tend to fall, a lot, but I've surrounded myself with enough wonderful people to help pick me up when I can't do it on my own.

Take Captive Every Thought

Oh how different our lives might be if we could learn to take captive every thought we have. This may be my biggest struggle in life. I allow my mind to run away. It's not always bad. I sometimes have very in depth conversations with myself (kind of scary). Most of the time though, I allow myself to dwell on things that are out of my control.

For example, I have a big problem letting other people watch my children. I make up these scenarios in my head of Lincoln getting a hold of a knife, or Westyn running off into the wilderness. Those are just some of the mild scenes that play out inside my brain. Example two, when Joe suggests that we should go on a cruise. My mind immediately goes to the hundreds of sharks that will be constantly circling our ship just waiting for one of us to fall into the water (I realize I might sound a bit crazy, but I'm just being real). I allow fear and anxiety to overrun my life and I'm robbing my family of fun and adventures because I can't control the thoughts that bombard my mind.

I'm sure you've all at least heard of the movie Eat Pray Love. Well if you didn't know, it's based on a true story of when Elizabeth Gilbert decided to leave everything and travel for a year. I don't agree with some of her life choices but I do love this book. One of my favorite quotes from it is "I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore". I can't even count the amount of times I have repeated this to myself.

I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore
I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore

Over and over again, when I felt so weak and these awful thoughts where overtaking me. This quote stuck out to me at a more serious time in my life when my marriage was tested far more than I ever thought possible. I had never dealt with so much fear and anxiety before and now, all of a sudden, it was crippling me. I lived like this for probably a year until one day, I stood looking at myself in the mirror and said enough. I actually said it out loud. It wasn't enough to say it inside my head, it needed to be spoken. No longer will I allow these thoughts to ruin my life and make me afraid of things that haven't even happened.

Peace. How glorious of a word. People all around the world are looking for peace, but unless they are looking at Jesus they will never find it. The previous verse says to not be anxious about anything but in every situation to pray. Our hearts and our minds are so vulnerable that we're unable to control them on our own. We have to look to Jesus in order to find peace.

So my goal is to take captive every unhealthy thought. To now allow them to harbor up in my mind creating a barrier between me and happiness. I want to be happy and to have the peace of God guarding my mind.

Workin On My Fitness

Please tell me someone gets the title reference.

So, people often ask me how I stay so fit. Okay, so maybe no one asks me this, but I have had friends and family witness a change in me over the past couple years. I was recently asked by one of these said friends to write about my health journey. This is going to be a bit difficult because I don't really view myself as someone who should  be giving advice on health and fitness. However, through some encouragement from some wonderful people, I'm going to give it a shot.  Now, I do not claim to be a fitness professional (insert laughter) and I also do not claim to be a nutritionist(more laughter because of all the cookies I might have eaten this weekend). I have, however, gained a considerable amount of weight and then finally lost it all.

I guess this journey really started during my pregnancy with my, almost four year old son, Westyn. I did what a typical woman does while she's pregnant and I ate everything. I took the whole 'eating for two' saying to heart. I was serious about this. Lets also preface this by saying I was very out of shape before I got pregnant. If any of you have had a child, then you will know how strenuous pregnancy can be on your body and your mind. By the time the nine months were almost up I had gained close to 50, very unhealthy, pounds. I had entered what I like to call.....troll status.... Allow me to show you.

I would love to write now and tell you all about me losing the weight right after Westyn was born and went on to have abs and all that amazing stuff, but sadly that's not what happened. I was so consumed with being a new mom that I didn't properly care for myself. Allow me to show you yet another photo. Bare with me, I'm a visual learner.

Westyn is probably around four or five months old here and as you can obviously see, I do not have abs. Looking back at this moment, and close to the next year to follow, I realize how incredibly unhappy I was. I was so happy to be a mother but I couldn't believe how much my body had changed in such a short amount of time. See, not only did pregnancy leave me overweight, it also left me with stretch marks. I mean a lot of stretch marks. You know those moments in life when you walk as quickly as you can by the mirror so you're not able to catch a glimpse of your reflection. That's where I was. 

Funny story, well kind of sad actually, my wonderful sweet Dad caught sight of my stomach not long after I had Westyn. He felt so bad that he immediately went home, researched, and then bought me a very expensive cream to help me get rid, or at least lessen, them. I've now learned to embrace them and love them, but at the time I felt terrible about myself. At the time I thought this was only effecting me, I didn't realize how much it was effecting my marriage. Ladies, if you don't think your husband notices your constant criticism towards yourself, then you are sadly mistaken. How can you expect him to find you attractive if you cant even look at yourself in the mirror?

So finally, I had enough. I had tried some at home workouts but I couldn't push myself in the way I needed in order to make the changes I needed. A friend of mine had recently started working out. This friend was not the workout type. Honestly, in the two years I had known her, I don't think she had ever mentioned a desire to work out. I would sit and listen to her talk about this crazy thing called Crossfit and the way she spoke of it had me intrigued. I went home and talk to my amazingly supportive husband about it and we decided I would give it a shot. 

Once again, I would love to say that I went in on that first day and was awesome, super strong, and not at all pathetic.  Oh my heavens, was I so wrong. I'm not saying this happened to me, but someone could have went in for their foundations, push too hard, end up puking all over the floor during an attempt to run outside, and then fall in said puke. Okay, okay it was me. At this point I could have thrown my hands up and said forget it because it was too hard, let alone extremely embarrassing. I didn't however, this only lit a fire under me. This was solid proof of how much help I needed. 

I got involved in the community that surrounds Crossfit and I fell in love! It wasn't just about losing weight, it was about the people who are there to thrash themselves in a workout along side you! It then took me about six months to finally realize that I couldn't outwork my unhealthy diet. I was still in the mindset of  thinking I can continue to eat how I want because I was "working out" now. Wrong! I entered a nutrition challenge at the box that had a nice prize. I am a very competitive person so I went into this challenge with a mindset that I was going to do everything by the book with no cheat days. Obviously my way of eating wasn't working so I might as well give theirs a try. I mean, they have abs so it must work.

By doing a low carb, paleo friendly diet, I was able to lose 21 lbs in 30 days and in a very healthy way. No weight loss pills or shakes or any of the get thin quick mess. I did it through hard work and healthy eating because if you don't change your habits, then you won't change your lifestyle. I did actually win the challenge and was able to go buy some new clothes! This was probably the first time in years that I was excited to go clothes shopping.

This is our announcement picture when we found out we were having Lincoln. I felt amazing, confident, and able to handle another pregnancy. This go around was completely different. I was able to continue doing Crossfit up until the week before I had him, and I actually got much stronger while pregnant!

 The recovery time after this C-Section was 100x easier and quicker. Less pain, less fatigue, less time in bed! This was so essential because not only did we have a newborn to care for but we also had a crazy, almost, three year old.

No, I am not trying to get everyone to go join Crossfit (even though it's awesome). I will be the first to say that it's not for everyone. I'm also not trying to make you feel bad if you're still carrying some baby weight with you. What I am trying to do is to give you some hope by telling my story. I want every woman to be confident in themselves no matter what size, so I'm mainly talking to the women who aren't so confident. If you're in a place in your life right now that you're so unhappy you can't bare to look at your reflection in the mirror, then maybe it's time for a change. Feeling better about yourself and your body will flow over into every aspect of your lives. I can promise you, from experience, that your marriage will be stronger if you open up about your insecurities and then work together on making a change. To hear Joe tell me how proud he is of me is one of the best feelings in the world. It's not that he didn't love me while I was over weight, it's that I didn't love me. The feelings I had towards myself created a wall between us, which is something you never want in your marriage. Break free from the insecurities that are holding you back from happiness.

God made you exactly the way He wanted you and He loves you. Now it's time to love yourself.

Like I said before, I am no expert and I still don't have abs but I do know some stuff! So if you need some encouragement or have any questions please send me a message! I would love to help! 

Thank you for taking time to read this very personal post. Please share this if it helped you so that maybe it will help someone else.

Tiny Post It

 If any of you know Joe, then you will know that he is not normally the romantic type. He's pretty cut and dry when it comes to date nights or things of that nature. Over the years he really has tried to step it up, but usually it doesn't last very long. Luckily I'm okay with this. I don't really need a lot to make me happy. Well..... I like to tell myself that anyway. Joe probably has different thoughts on that subject.

So a couple of weeks ago he started doing something incredibly sweet. Each morning before he left for work he would take a few minutes to leave me a note on our mirror. It would be something sweet about me, then followed by a bible verse that goes along the same subject. For example one of the notes read  "You are strong, beautiful, and capable. I believe in you. Psalms 28:8." Super sweet, right? I loved it! It was exactly what I needed to start my morning off, and a great reminder throughout the day if things started to get crazy. It wasn't until I took a picture of them did I really grasp the importance of these tiny, two minute notes.

I was standing in the bathroom, holding Linc (plus everything else) when I decided to snap a picture before leaving. When I looked back at the picture I had a weird moment. It was like I was seeing myself in a completely different way. If you'll notice, the Post It was placed exactly in the middle of my reflection. I haven't asked him about it yet, because I don't want to ruin my interpretation, so I'm not sure if this was intentional or not. Intentional or not, it was perfect.

Normally, if I passed by a mirror looking like this I would not feel capable or beautiful. I would feel like a hot mess. I would also start noticing things like, my hair needs washed, I need more makeup on, the ice cream I ate last night already added ten pounds that went right to my stomach. Things like that, just to name a few. I could come up with more examples without even trying! That's what we do though. We constantly nitpick our entire bodies. We compare it to other women and also compare it to our previous self, or at least I do. (If you haven't had a baby yet ,then let me fill you in on a secret, your body will never be the same.) This kind of treatment is terrible and it has to stop. Who else would we allow to stay in our lives if they spoke to us like we speak to ourselves? I never want my sons to hear me talking bad about myself. Why, you ask? What's the big deal? Because they will do the exact same thing. Let that sink in for a few seconds. How would you feel if your son or daughter looked in the mirror and called themselves fat, or ugly, or thought their nose was too big? It would absolutely break my heart. What I'm teaching my boys is all wrong. I don't want to teach them that it matters what they look like far more than how they act. I would be teaching them that when they go to find a wife, they should care more about her face rather than what's in her heart. Those are not the values I want to instill in my sons. The change has to come from me. I can't just tell them, I have to show them. I have to be the example that I want them to follow.

Looking in the mirror with that Post It sticking there is like a slap in the face. I should have as much love and grace for myself as I do for other people. I should not constantly point out all my flaws because that is what others will begin to see in me as well. I should be happy because I am a young and healthy woman. I am blessed to have these stretch marks across my stomach because those marks earned me two beautiful baby boys who I wouldn't give up for the entire world.

So now, I will make a choice. I will no longer speak harmful words into my life. There are far too many people in this world who speak harm already. I don't want my boys looking back on their childhood and remembering me calling myself names. I don't want my husband constantly hearing me degrade myself. How romantic is that? Let me just tell you, it's not. My husband once told me the most attractive thing I can do is to be confident. So that's what I will do.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

1 Peter 3:3-4

Moms Night Out

Moms Night Out is an incredible movie! Seriously though, if you are a mom please go watch the movie. If your husband doesn't really like movies like this just play the football card and make him sit with you and watch it. This will give him a little insight into our minds as mothers, and also it's pretty funny! I do have to say that the one thing I was slightly disappointed in is the way they depicted some of the dads. They were shown as very incompetent and that's not fair. Other than that detail I believe there so are many lessons to be learned in this movie. The realness of the emotion shown is amazing!

At one part the main character says something like "she chose to be a wife and a mother, it's all she has ever wanted, so why is she not happy?". I'm pretty sure I have said those exact words. I chose to stop working and stay at home with my boys, so why does it feel so difficult most days. Why do I not experience all the joy and happiness I thought I would? Answer, because you're taking care of crazy, emotionally unstable, hangry, tiny humans! 

I believe having a group of women, who are going through relatively the same things you are, around is necessary. Note that I didn't say important or optional. It's vital to our sanity! We need confirmation that we are doing okay. I need to know that I'm not the only one who has sat in the middle of the floor crying because both my boys were crying and I literally had nothing left to give them. I need to know that there is a light somewhere down this long dark tunnel I like to call Winter. Seriously, when will winter be over?

But here lies the problem with most of us. I hate going out and doing things for myself.......dramatic pause...... Why, you may ask? I'm not even sure. I always feel so guilty. I feel guilty for spending money, I feel guilty for leaving Joe at home with the boys, and, to be honest, it just feels weird being away from them. They are attached to me all day. All Day! Yet, when I'm separated from either of them I feel like a piece of myself is missing. Honestly though, that's because there is. Those boys were both a part of me at one time so it's natural to feel like something is missing, but what about ourselves. We can't lose ourselves in the midst of raising babies. I can't sacrifice who I am, what I love, and the relationship I have with my husband in order to raise my boys. As much as it pains me to say it, one day they will grow up and they will leave (insert ugly cry). What will be left? An empty place inside where the "myself" part is suppose to be.


So how do we prevent this? I've read blog after blog and many articles from women who have either went off by themselves for days at a time (a bit drastic) or completely shut down and shut out everyone. I vote to do neither of these. I want to simply propose a little fun. I think doing a moms night out will definitely preserve our sanity while allowing us to connect to other moms. No, I don't plan on leaving  my phone in the car, I'm way too paranoid for that mess. I just want to have a conversation with another mom without a child attached to my leg! Pretty simple. I'm not talking every week, but I don't think once a month is unreasonable!

I constantly find myself planning coffee dates with people, and if anyone knows me even a little, they will understand my love for coffee. I will meet someone, enjoy talking to them, and they'll say "hey, lets get coffee sometimes." Immediately my brain splits in half. One half is screaming "yes, please!!" while the other, more realistic half, knows that's not really going to happen. I mean well when I say I would love that, because I really would love that, but there is never time. It isn't until you get intentional with your time management that you'll be able to say wait, I do have some time set aside for friends!  If it's on the calendar, then it's happening. No more excuses. If your husband doesn't feel like watching the kids, then tough. Sorry, that's a bit harsh but husbands are extremely capable and can handle their children and I'm tired of society portraying it otherwise!

I say all that to say this, (I feel like I'm always saying a bunch of stuff just to say a lot more stuff) stop putting your children at the top of your list. What a crazy thought. God, your husband, and yourself all matter too. If I'm not taking care of myself, then how in the world am I suppose to care for two tiny humans? If I don't nurture my faith, my mind, and my relationships, then who will I be once those tiny humans aren't so tiny anymore?

So, to my new South Carolina friends (all three of you) be ready for me to initiate some fun! It'll be great. I'm super funny. Just ask my husband!


Thank you to anyone taking the time to read this post! I would love feedback if anyone feels up to it!

Step One

Step one in my goal to be more intentional this year is to start with the most important subject; my faith. I, just like almost all Christians, struggle with keeping my faith strong in all things. I've really related recently to one of the stories in the gospel of Mark where the man brings his son to Jesus because he is possessed by a demon.
 The father asks Jesus "But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
"If you can?" said Jesus "Everything is possible for one who believes."
"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:22-24

Wow. Am I the only one who sometimes feels just like this father? It's so easy to trust God with all the small things in our lives, but do we really actually trust him with the large things? Like why did we have to move to South Carolina? Just throwing that one out there, not like anyone actually feels that way (cough cough). It takes an intentional thought process to let go and let God. Did I picture raising my small family in this particular city? Probably not, but does that mean that God didn't specifically place us here for some reason. Probably not. Pastor Craig Groeschel once said "If God always met your expectations He would never have the opportunity to exceed them." So now, I am intentionally pushing aside the expectations I had for my life and allowing God to lead me where I can be of the most use.

Being intentional with my faith takes me doing my part instead of waiting on God to do His. My sister-in-law introduced me to, what I think, has changed the way I study and pray! I'm calling it my Bible Notebook! 

 It's really just a binder, but it's a pretty one!

The first thing I decided to put in the binder is my new favorite verse, Philippians 4:8. I wanted this at the beginning so as I sit down each day (let's be real) I can read this verse and remind myself to focus on the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy things in life instead of on what the news station thinks is important.

Next, I have dividers to separate the different sections that I want to focus on.

1. Bible Study, I really do try to find a quiet time every day to sit and read the word of God. As most of you know, I am a lover of books! I felt ashamed as a Christian though, because I have never read the Bible in its entirety (insert shocking gasp). So now I am well on my way to finishing the entire book.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

2. Daily Prayer. This section is the main reason I decided to make this whole notebook. Prayer is one of my biggest struggles. I can never really think of what to say or how to say it. In this sections I have seven sheets of paper with each day of the week labeled at the top. I then picked out a different subject to pray for on each day. For example, on Sundays I am choosing to pray for the leaders in my church. On Mondays I want to focus my prayer on my husband, his job, his faith amd anything else that may come up. This will give me a purpose and an intentional focus for my prayer.

3.Scripture Memorization. Pretty self explanatory.

4.Thankful. This is just to prompt me to pay attention throughout the day and pick out something that I'm thankful for!

5. Sermon Notes. I always come home with a bulletin full of notes (well maybe not full) then end up just throwing it away. Now I have a specific place to write down the things that stick out to me or the things I want to dive into more!

That's it, that's my Bible Notebook! It may be a little much, but I really believe it's going to help me reach my goal of being intentional! Hopefully this gives someone else some inspiration to make their own version. Most ladies don't really need an excuse to go to Target and dig through the dollar section. This whole things only cost $5! I call that a win!

2015 Recap

So I thought I would start off by giving a short recap of the happenings in 2015.

We had a baby boy!! Well technically Lincoln was born in 2014, but it was at the very end of the year so we can just put him in 2015's recap!

My husband and I celebrated our 6th anniversary!

My oldest son turned three!

Now for the whooper. My husband accepted a job in a new state and got out of the Marine Corps! I know, I know! Big deal! Some of you who don't know us very well may not see the enormity of this! Lets start by addressing the big move. It all happened in about a month and half! He got a phone call about a possible opening at an independent auction in South Carolina. He and the boys and I hoped in the car a few days later and drove down here (over here?) for the interview. As you can probably guess, he got the job! So within about a month and a half of making that decision we found ourselves in a new city, in a new home, and away from all of our friends and families! Craziness! To say it has been an adjustment is understating this situation, but for fear of sounding crazy I'll leave it as "oh it's just been an adjustment". 

The move went about as smoothly as it could go considering we moved states with two small children in tow. We've already met some amazing people and we really are adjusting to our new environment! Well some of us, some others (cough me cough) are still having some difficulties. #struggles.... just kidding. I don't hashtag.  

I said all that to say this, last year was unexpected, confusing, difficult, and a bit crazy and I let it get to me. I let what was going on around me influence the way I acted. As we all know, as mothers and wives, the way we act directly influences our husbands and children. If you are letting your environment effect the way your mood is toward the ones you love, then it will most likely make a difficult situation worse. I pretty much just slapped myself in the face with that statement!

Now on to 2016's happenings!

We have been in South Carolina for five months! During that time we have gotten plugged into a new gym and a new church!

My youngest son turned one and is currently attempting to set the record for most bruises on a baby!

My husband and I just celebrated our seventh anniversary! I am extremely proud of this number! We've had our fair share of difficult years, but we are stronger now than I thought possible! That may sound cliche but that's okay. I'm doing this new thing where I don't care!

I have picked out two key words/phrases for this year. I decided to do this instead of making any actual resolutions! One, no one ever keeps those, and two, I feel like it will help me in every aspect of my life instead of focusing on one particular section, because lets face it, I need help in everything!

1. To be intentional. 
I want to be intentional in everything! I want to build up my husband every day, I want to teach my children certain things, I want to be successful in our finances, and I want to study my Bible and learn more about Jesus. All these things need to be put into motion in an intentional way! I need to intentionally think of ways I can bless my husband. I need to intentionally think about and prepare for every section of my life! This part will take a lot of work but I believe if I am intentional in these aspects that I will receive more blessings in return than I could ever give out! 

2. To stop making excuses. Pretty self explanatory. 
This is where the whole blog idea came to mind. I love to be inspired by women, but more than that I love to be inspired by mothers! I love to hear about the struggles and how they over came them or are currently getting through them! There are so many women in my life that have inspired me to be the woman I am today. I firmly believe that God placed each of those women in my path to help prepare and to encourage me! So I want to be that for someone else! Even if only one person reads my blog and is able to take encouragement from it, then I will have done what I set out to do. So this year I want to stop all the excuses of why I shouldn't write, and just do it!

Wow, so now that I let you into my life a little bit I should probably slow down! This was my introduction! Hopefully I have something to say in the future and hopefully someone wants to read it! If not, that's okay! It's therapeutic just to type it all out!