Tiny Post It

 If any of you know Joe, then you will know that he is not normally the romantic type. He's pretty cut and dry when it comes to date nights or things of that nature. Over the years he really has tried to step it up, but usually it doesn't last very long. Luckily I'm okay with this. I don't really need a lot to make me happy. Well..... I like to tell myself that anyway. Joe probably has different thoughts on that subject.

So a couple of weeks ago he started doing something incredibly sweet. Each morning before he left for work he would take a few minutes to leave me a note on our mirror. It would be something sweet about me, then followed by a bible verse that goes along the same subject. For example one of the notes read  "You are strong, beautiful, and capable. I believe in you. Psalms 28:8." Super sweet, right? I loved it! It was exactly what I needed to start my morning off, and a great reminder throughout the day if things started to get crazy. It wasn't until I took a picture of them did I really grasp the importance of these tiny, two minute notes.

I was standing in the bathroom, holding Linc (plus everything else) when I decided to snap a picture before leaving. When I looked back at the picture I had a weird moment. It was like I was seeing myself in a completely different way. If you'll notice, the Post It was placed exactly in the middle of my reflection. I haven't asked him about it yet, because I don't want to ruin my interpretation, so I'm not sure if this was intentional or not. Intentional or not, it was perfect.

Normally, if I passed by a mirror looking like this I would not feel capable or beautiful. I would feel like a hot mess. I would also start noticing things like, my hair needs washed, I need more makeup on, the ice cream I ate last night already added ten pounds that went right to my stomach. Things like that, just to name a few. I could come up with more examples without even trying! That's what we do though. We constantly nitpick our entire bodies. We compare it to other women and also compare it to our previous self, or at least I do. (If you haven't had a baby yet ,then let me fill you in on a secret, your body will never be the same.) This kind of treatment is terrible and it has to stop. Who else would we allow to stay in our lives if they spoke to us like we speak to ourselves? I never want my sons to hear me talking bad about myself. Why, you ask? What's the big deal? Because they will do the exact same thing. Let that sink in for a few seconds. How would you feel if your son or daughter looked in the mirror and called themselves fat, or ugly, or thought their nose was too big? It would absolutely break my heart. What I'm teaching my boys is all wrong. I don't want to teach them that it matters what they look like far more than how they act. I would be teaching them that when they go to find a wife, they should care more about her face rather than what's in her heart. Those are not the values I want to instill in my sons. The change has to come from me. I can't just tell them, I have to show them. I have to be the example that I want them to follow.

Looking in the mirror with that Post It sticking there is like a slap in the face. I should have as much love and grace for myself as I do for other people. I should not constantly point out all my flaws because that is what others will begin to see in me as well. I should be happy because I am a young and healthy woman. I am blessed to have these stretch marks across my stomach because those marks earned me two beautiful baby boys who I wouldn't give up for the entire world.

So now, I will make a choice. I will no longer speak harmful words into my life. There are far too many people in this world who speak harm already. I don't want my boys looking back on their childhood and remembering me calling myself names. I don't want my husband constantly hearing me degrade myself. How romantic is that? Let me just tell you, it's not. My husband once told me the most attractive thing I can do is to be confident. So that's what I will do.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

1 Peter 3:3-4

Moms Night Out

Moms Night Out is an incredible movie! Seriously though, if you are a mom please go watch the movie. If your husband doesn't really like movies like this just play the football card and make him sit with you and watch it. This will give him a little insight into our minds as mothers, and also it's pretty funny! I do have to say that the one thing I was slightly disappointed in is the way they depicted some of the dads. They were shown as very incompetent and that's not fair. Other than that detail I believe there so are many lessons to be learned in this movie. The realness of the emotion shown is amazing!

At one part the main character says something like "she chose to be a wife and a mother, it's all she has ever wanted, so why is she not happy?". I'm pretty sure I have said those exact words. I chose to stop working and stay at home with my boys, so why does it feel so difficult most days. Why do I not experience all the joy and happiness I thought I would? Answer, because you're taking care of crazy, emotionally unstable, hangry, tiny humans! 

I believe having a group of women, who are going through relatively the same things you are, around is necessary. Note that I didn't say important or optional. It's vital to our sanity! We need confirmation that we are doing okay. I need to know that I'm not the only one who has sat in the middle of the floor crying because both my boys were crying and I literally had nothing left to give them. I need to know that there is a light somewhere down this long dark tunnel I like to call Winter. Seriously, when will winter be over?

But here lies the problem with most of us. I hate going out and doing things for myself.......dramatic pause...... Why, you may ask? I'm not even sure. I always feel so guilty. I feel guilty for spending money, I feel guilty for leaving Joe at home with the boys, and, to be honest, it just feels weird being away from them. They are attached to me all day. All Day! Yet, when I'm separated from either of them I feel like a piece of myself is missing. Honestly though, that's because there is. Those boys were both a part of me at one time so it's natural to feel like something is missing, but what about ourselves. We can't lose ourselves in the midst of raising babies. I can't sacrifice who I am, what I love, and the relationship I have with my husband in order to raise my boys. As much as it pains me to say it, one day they will grow up and they will leave (insert ugly cry). What will be left? An empty place inside where the "myself" part is suppose to be.


So how do we prevent this? I've read blog after blog and many articles from women who have either went off by themselves for days at a time (a bit drastic) or completely shut down and shut out everyone. I vote to do neither of these. I want to simply propose a little fun. I think doing a moms night out will definitely preserve our sanity while allowing us to connect to other moms. No, I don't plan on leaving  my phone in the car, I'm way too paranoid for that mess. I just want to have a conversation with another mom without a child attached to my leg! Pretty simple. I'm not talking every week, but I don't think once a month is unreasonable!

I constantly find myself planning coffee dates with people, and if anyone knows me even a little, they will understand my love for coffee. I will meet someone, enjoy talking to them, and they'll say "hey, lets get coffee sometimes." Immediately my brain splits in half. One half is screaming "yes, please!!" while the other, more realistic half, knows that's not really going to happen. I mean well when I say I would love that, because I really would love that, but there is never time. It isn't until you get intentional with your time management that you'll be able to say wait, I do have some time set aside for friends!  If it's on the calendar, then it's happening. No more excuses. If your husband doesn't feel like watching the kids, then tough. Sorry, that's a bit harsh but husbands are extremely capable and can handle their children and I'm tired of society portraying it otherwise!

I say all that to say this, (I feel like I'm always saying a bunch of stuff just to say a lot more stuff) stop putting your children at the top of your list. What a crazy thought. God, your husband, and yourself all matter too. If I'm not taking care of myself, then how in the world am I suppose to care for two tiny humans? If I don't nurture my faith, my mind, and my relationships, then who will I be once those tiny humans aren't so tiny anymore?

So, to my new South Carolina friends (all three of you) be ready for me to initiate some fun! It'll be great. I'm super funny. Just ask my husband!


Thank you to anyone taking the time to read this post! I would love feedback if anyone feels up to it!

Step One

Step one in my goal to be more intentional this year is to start with the most important subject; my faith. I, just like almost all Christians, struggle with keeping my faith strong in all things. I've really related recently to one of the stories in the gospel of Mark where the man brings his son to Jesus because he is possessed by a demon.
 The father asks Jesus "But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."
"If you can?" said Jesus "Everything is possible for one who believes."
"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:22-24

Wow. Am I the only one who sometimes feels just like this father? It's so easy to trust God with all the small things in our lives, but do we really actually trust him with the large things? Like why did we have to move to South Carolina? Just throwing that one out there, not like anyone actually feels that way (cough cough). It takes an intentional thought process to let go and let God. Did I picture raising my small family in this particular city? Probably not, but does that mean that God didn't specifically place us here for some reason. Probably not. Pastor Craig Groeschel once said "If God always met your expectations He would never have the opportunity to exceed them." So now, I am intentionally pushing aside the expectations I had for my life and allowing God to lead me where I can be of the most use.

Being intentional with my faith takes me doing my part instead of waiting on God to do His. My sister-in-law introduced me to, what I think, has changed the way I study and pray! I'm calling it my Bible Notebook! 

 It's really just a binder, but it's a pretty one!

The first thing I decided to put in the binder is my new favorite verse, Philippians 4:8. I wanted this at the beginning so as I sit down each day (let's be real) I can read this verse and remind myself to focus on the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy things in life instead of on what the news station thinks is important.

Next, I have dividers to separate the different sections that I want to focus on.

1. Bible Study, I really do try to find a quiet time every day to sit and read the word of God. As most of you know, I am a lover of books! I felt ashamed as a Christian though, because I have never read the Bible in its entirety (insert shocking gasp). So now I am well on my way to finishing the entire book.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

2. Daily Prayer. This section is the main reason I decided to make this whole notebook. Prayer is one of my biggest struggles. I can never really think of what to say or how to say it. In this sections I have seven sheets of paper with each day of the week labeled at the top. I then picked out a different subject to pray for on each day. For example, on Sundays I am choosing to pray for the leaders in my church. On Mondays I want to focus my prayer on my husband, his job, his faith amd anything else that may come up. This will give me a purpose and an intentional focus for my prayer.

3.Scripture Memorization. Pretty self explanatory.

4.Thankful. This is just to prompt me to pay attention throughout the day and pick out something that I'm thankful for!

5. Sermon Notes. I always come home with a bulletin full of notes (well maybe not full) then end up just throwing it away. Now I have a specific place to write down the things that stick out to me or the things I want to dive into more!

That's it, that's my Bible Notebook! It may be a little much, but I really believe it's going to help me reach my goal of being intentional! Hopefully this gives someone else some inspiration to make their own version. Most ladies don't really need an excuse to go to Target and dig through the dollar section. This whole things only cost $5! I call that a win!

2015 Recap

So I thought I would start off by giving a short recap of the happenings in 2015.

We had a baby boy!! Well technically Lincoln was born in 2014, but it was at the very end of the year so we can just put him in 2015's recap!

My husband and I celebrated our 6th anniversary!

My oldest son turned three!

Now for the whooper. My husband accepted a job in a new state and got out of the Marine Corps! I know, I know! Big deal! Some of you who don't know us very well may not see the enormity of this! Lets start by addressing the big move. It all happened in about a month and half! He got a phone call about a possible opening at an independent auction in South Carolina. He and the boys and I hoped in the car a few days later and drove down here (over here?) for the interview. As you can probably guess, he got the job! So within about a month and a half of making that decision we found ourselves in a new city, in a new home, and away from all of our friends and families! Craziness! To say it has been an adjustment is understating this situation, but for fear of sounding crazy I'll leave it as "oh it's just been an adjustment". 

The move went about as smoothly as it could go considering we moved states with two small children in tow. We've already met some amazing people and we really are adjusting to our new environment! Well some of us, some others (cough me cough) are still having some difficulties. #struggles.... just kidding. I don't hashtag.  

I said all that to say this, last year was unexpected, confusing, difficult, and a bit crazy and I let it get to me. I let what was going on around me influence the way I acted. As we all know, as mothers and wives, the way we act directly influences our husbands and children. If you are letting your environment effect the way your mood is toward the ones you love, then it will most likely make a difficult situation worse. I pretty much just slapped myself in the face with that statement!

Now on to 2016's happenings!

We have been in South Carolina for five months! During that time we have gotten plugged into a new gym and a new church!

My youngest son turned one and is currently attempting to set the record for most bruises on a baby!

My husband and I just celebrated our seventh anniversary! I am extremely proud of this number! We've had our fair share of difficult years, but we are stronger now than I thought possible! That may sound cliche but that's okay. I'm doing this new thing where I don't care!

I have picked out two key words/phrases for this year. I decided to do this instead of making any actual resolutions! One, no one ever keeps those, and two, I feel like it will help me in every aspect of my life instead of focusing on one particular section, because lets face it, I need help in everything!

1. To be intentional. 
I want to be intentional in everything! I want to build up my husband every day, I want to teach my children certain things, I want to be successful in our finances, and I want to study my Bible and learn more about Jesus. All these things need to be put into motion in an intentional way! I need to intentionally think of ways I can bless my husband. I need to intentionally think about and prepare for every section of my life! This part will take a lot of work but I believe if I am intentional in these aspects that I will receive more blessings in return than I could ever give out! 

2. To stop making excuses. Pretty self explanatory. 
This is where the whole blog idea came to mind. I love to be inspired by women, but more than that I love to be inspired by mothers! I love to hear about the struggles and how they over came them or are currently getting through them! There are so many women in my life that have inspired me to be the woman I am today. I firmly believe that God placed each of those women in my path to help prepare and to encourage me! So I want to be that for someone else! Even if only one person reads my blog and is able to take encouragement from it, then I will have done what I set out to do. So this year I want to stop all the excuses of why I shouldn't write, and just do it!

Wow, so now that I let you into my life a little bit I should probably slow down! This was my introduction! Hopefully I have something to say in the future and hopefully someone wants to read it! If not, that's okay! It's therapeutic just to type it all out!