Can We Just Stop

Alright you beautiful mama's. There's something serious we need to chat about. It's something we all face and it's useless. "What is it?" you may be asking. It's Mom Guilt. If you don't know exactly what Mom Guilt is, then apparently you're the most secure and confident person in the world. Mom guilt is when you do something as a mother that you feel guilty about, or someone else does something which in turn makes you feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. We all experience it in our own way. I'm going to chat about a few things over the years that I've experienced Mom Guilt with in hopes to shed some light on a very dark subject that has caused me real pain in the past.

Mom Guilt #1 Breast vs Bottle
Let's go ahead and get the elephant in the room out. Breastfeeding vs formula feeding. When I was pregnant with Westyn I desperately wanted to nurse him. I had heard moms talk about the amazing bond they had with their children through breastfeeding and I wanted that. Well events didn't exactly turn out how I had planned. I ended up with an unexpected C-section which through my body way off. After five days of trying to nurse with no milk, a baby who was hungry and losing weight, and two very new and very exhausted parents, we decided to skip the boob and insert the bottle. 

Boom....bring on the Mom Guilt. By normal standards I had done nothing right. I couldn't give birth to my child naturally and now I couldn't even feed him. I remember feeling like I had already failed as a mother and it had only been five days. Now a lot of these feelings can be attributed to hormones and exhaustion, but not solely because the feelings didn't go away. I would be asked and questioned by other moms as to why I was choosing not to nurse him. Instead, they should have been like hey congratulations, you're actually feeding your child! Because honestly that's all that really matters here! This amazing baby is being fed and is happy. That's enough.

Mom Guilt #2: Baby Weight
Now while dealing with all of those feelings of failure, there was also the "baby weight". At least that's what we like to call it to make ourselves feel better. I'm not saying baby weight is not a real thing because it is. While pregnant your body stores up fat as a protective mechanism, I understand that. But after a year we can all agree that it's no longer "baby" weight. I'm not saying this to make anyone feel guilty. Quiet the opposite actually. I'm saying this so we can all understand that losing weight is difficult in general, not to mention having tiny humans to care for. Instead of feeling all this guilt and shame because you still have on a few extra pounds while what's her face lost it all in three weeks, let's just agree that it's hard. All of it is hard. Being a mom is HARD. So what if those jeans are a bit tight. Let's all just praise Jesus for leggings and move on!

Side note, if you're legitimately unhappy with your body, and it's not only because you think you should have already lost the weight, then just remember that you have control of that. You can make a change whenever you're ready. The only change that sticks is when you've made up your mind about it. Not when you've been guilt-ed into it.

Mom Guilt #3 Apologies
I am seriously so sick of apologizing. I have to apologize when someone comes over and my house isn't extremely clean and tidy. I have to apologize when my child throws a tantrum. I have to apologize when my son decides your shirt looks like a piece of paper and he must draw on it. Okay maybe that one actually warranted an apology, but you understand what I mean. I feel like I am constantly apologizing for my kids being kids. I have two boys, and they are both ALL boy. They're loud, dirty, and rough (cough Lincoln cough). When you come to my house with your sweet and well behaved daughters, you need to just expect this. Now there have been times when we've been out at a restaurant and Lincoln is screaming blooding murder and we just apologize and leave. But please don't you dare go sit down in a Chick Fil A and then complain about the kids being too loud. You're eating at restaurant that has a play house INSIDE. I mean come on.

Mom Guilt #4 Stay at home vs Working
This one is the mom guilt I've been struggling with the most recently. I've breastfed and bottle fed, I've gained and lost baby weight, after kid number two I've stopped apologizing (mostly), but now I struggle with being in my place. I believe that God has a place for all of us. If we can be content in our places, then the body of Christ will work more effectively. But I'm human and a woman so contentment isn't my strongest attribute. At a time when Joe and I are working really hard to claw our way out of debt, I constantly think of the money I could be bringing in by going back to work. Selfishly, I think about the clothes I could buy, the ways I could decorate my home, and the vacations we could take. I've been at stay at home mom for four and a half years now and it's hard sometimes. Usually once a week I plot of ways I could go back to work, but by the end of that day I'm thanking God for something I was able to witness that I would have otherwise missed if I had been at work. I know in my heart that I'm suppose to spend my days with these boys. Now I just have to get the world out of my mind.

This is in no way pointing fingers at working moms. If that is where God wants you or if you have to work in order to feed your family, then trust me when I say that you are amazing! My sister is one of the hardest working mothers I know. She's a single mom with two amazing daughter. She works so hard every single day to put food on the table and a roof over their heads. I don't understand how she does it, and I'm amazed by her strength. 

Staying at home is not easy all the time, but it's a gift I pray I never take for granted. 

Can we please stop all the judging and start supporting. Being a mother is hard enough on it's own. I don't need someone else making me feel guilty because I'm doing something different than the way she would. No, not everything I buy is organic. My youngest son eats bugs, that's pretty organic in itself.  

Side Note: If someone doesn't ask for your advice, please don't give it to them, and then get angry when they don't heed your unwanted advice. 

There comes a time at least once a day when I'm 100% sure I'm failing as a mother, but that's okay. I just need people in my life where I can come to them and say "hey I pretty much suck today", and their response will most likely be "yeah, me too". My children didn't die today, so I would call that a success. 

Lets keep it real. 

Tiny Hand Print

As I look around my house I see tiny hand prints...everywhere. On the walls, on the floors, and I'm pretty sure every single window. Being a person who is slightly type A, this drives me nuts. As soon as I get one thing cleaned I turn around to find Lincoln dumping his apple juice onto the floor and then splashing in it. I have a slight internal freak out moment before remembering he's only 17 months old and he can't possibly be trying to purposefully sabotage me. Right?

It's so easy for me to go around and point out all these tiny hands and forget that those hands are attached to something amazing. Those hands can teach me so much if I just take the time to pay attention.

So far these hands have taught me that it's okay to get dirty. Sounds simple, except for me it isn't. I don't usually allow my boys to purposefully get dirty. When I see the joy on their faces it makes that extra bit of work I'll have to do all worth it.

So far these hands have taught me how to give more openly. Westyn is more generous than I have ever been. He will gladly share almost anything he has with anyone. This is in his nature. He isn't attached to all the material things that we as a culture place so much value in. He just simply wants to share.

So far these hands have taught me to be kind to everyone. These hands will wave, blow kisses, shake hands, and give high fives to anyone no matter their ethnicity or financial standing.  Their view of the world and the people it holds isn't tarnished yet.

The more I think about all the things these tiny hands could teach me, the more I understand what Jesus was saying when He was talking with His disciples in Matthew chapter 18.

If I can just take a step back and refocus, then everything begins to clear. I can clearly see what a blessing tiny hand prints are all over my house. I can let go of all the expectations I set for myself to clean constantly, and start enjoying the moment they place their hands on the door. Children don't get stopped by glass doors, they merely look through them to see the beauty more clearly! How much could we do for God's kingdom if we stopped getting distracted by smudges and started focusing on the beauty that children see?